Are You There Jack Daniels? It's Me Chris Calfa

I hate the world. Chelsea Handler helped me realize it after reading her book I ripped off the title from Are You There Vodka? It's Me Chelsea. I just spent 20 minutes trying to break into my room using my ID, force of power, and a bobby pin i borrowed from a freshman girl across the hall from me. Thank you Asshole who broke into peoples rooms my freshman year and stole peoples laptops, because of you we have autolocks on our fucking doors. I called it this title because that's exactly what I was thinking the entire time I had to walk down to the security desk to get it unlocked. Of course I'm getting charged extra, and by the look of the guards face when he saw my battered and scratched ID from trying to screw the lock, I am not on a good list...this would be a great story to tell all my children who will probably be Brad and Angelina's nieces and nephews.