Fashion's One Night Stands (or trends that should've never happened)

Fashion’s One Night Stands

By Chris Calfa

            I was originally asked to write about top 10 must haves in the closet for the Fall of 2012. I being the stubborn bitch that I am complained and stated that half of the things meant to be big in fashion much like the Segway, non Apple mp3 players, and Mariah Carey’s career/personality, do not take off.  For example last year the big thing of Fall 2012 was supposed to be “colored denim”, if anyone can recall this you get a friend request. I’m the last person to be asked for fashion advice, I know , I know I highly resemble George Clooney and Channing Tatum, get it all the time… but I have the fashion sense of Barney Stinson’s nerdy cousin from the state of Washington. I also cannot keep up with the times and what these crazy kids are doing these days; I haven’t even seen Ted yet. If you do want a list of must haves in the closet here you go:

1.     Socks

2.     Underwear

3.     Spanx

4.     Snuggie

5.     Uggs

6.     Rainboots

7.     Pants

8.     Shirts

9.     Wonderbra

10.  Tom Cruise to drag OUT of the closet

I thought what would be better than to look back on all the horrendous things that were popular that we still question why anybody ever thought it was socially acceptable to wear. I mean I can even look back on the years 2009 and 2010…

I was young, I was naïve, and I didn’t know these fashions would prevent me from getting laid. And I’m sure that’s what whoever was wearing the things in my personal Top 10 is thinking. So here it is:

The Top 10 Trends I Believe Should Never Have Happened

10.Hipster Glasses- I don’t care how ironic it is how nerdy you look, doesn’t make you look cool, makes you look like an idiot.

9. Bell Bottom Pants- They’re only good for hiding your kankles.

8. Crocs- ….Whoopi…

7. G-String with Low rise Jeans- I’m sorry are you Britney Spears? Oh no? I thought so.

6. Silly Bandz- That was a good summer…

5. Fur Hats- I’ve often confused them with dead animals. Oops.

4. Newsboy Caps- they won’t seize they day. They couldn’t even seize passed 2005.

3. Parachute Pants- Don’t touch them.

2. Abercrombie & Fitch- If you’re not under the age of 12 or a foreigner, you have no excuse.

1          1.     Grills- If you ever thought this was cool you should go see a therapist.