It's The Great Slut Whore Charlie Brown!

It’s The Great Slut-Whore Charlie Brown!

By Chris Calfa

As a person born on this day, I can rightfully say that Halloween is the best holiday next to Arbor Day and Yom Kippur. Halloween is for everybody, for little kids it’s to dress up as your favorite cartoon character and march in the embarrassing parades at elementary school and then indulge in candy, for preteens it’s for running around in black hoodies and egg your principals house, for high schoolers and up it’s for dressing like a hooker and get wasted, and as for me it’s for being able to use my costuming abilities and be classy while chugging whiskey. I take Halloween very seriously and I believe everybody should, even my non-supportive friends who won’t even wear costumes (losers).

A controversy lately with Halloween isn’t the murders or the drugs; it’s the slutiness of the costumes. I’m not sure why this is a problem because I enjoy sluts. They’re my favorite people next to lesbians and winos.  If you think about it, it makes everything easier, while kids have to walk house to house to get candy, girls can just put their legs over their head to get candy. It’s a season of getting.

But of course just because something has the word sexy in it does not mean it is. There are some pretty stupid sexy costumes around Ricky’s such as Slutty Finding Nemo and Anna Rexia. But have no fear ladies, because after this past year, the Prince of Halloween, Chris Calfa has some great and sexual ideas for what YOU could be for Halloween 2012

15. Slutty Snow White- this was her most exposed year, could be yours too ;)

14. Slutty Super Heroes- Avengers, Spiderman, Catwoman etc…. just not Bane.

13. Slutty Naked Prince Harry- Don’t come near me. Who knows what I’ll do.

12.Slutty Amanda Bynes- just add dancing lobsters

11.Slutty Chick-Fil-A Chicken- They’ll love it.

10. Slutty Blue Ivy Carter

9.Slutty Angelina Jolie’s Oscar Leg- Not Angelina… Just her leg.

8.Slutty 50 Shades of Grey- more like 50 Shades of Gay

7.Slutty Psy- Go Go GangBang Style.

6.Slutty Rush Limbaugh- he deserves it

5. Slutty Ryan Lochte- All you need is to lose all your education

4. Slutty iPhone 5.

3.Slutty Tom Cruise and Katie Holme’s Marriage- A dress that’s half rainbow and half orange with a handcuff

2. Slutty Big Bird- with a Vote for Obama button

1. Slutty Apocalypse- Hey this may be our last Halloween!

So there are some great ideas I believe.

Here’s a real comment from a real student:

            “… Chris, I don’t get how half of these could be slutty… “

-       Megan Bruce, Senior, Theater Arts Major

-        

“…what...”

                        -     Alyssa Lawrence, Senior, Graphic Design Major

What’s Chris Being?

This year I’m being Hawkeye, Ariel, Superboy, and Robin, So suck it, I’m turning 21.

ALSO VOTE CHRIS FOR HOMECOMING PRINCE/KING

My Top 25 Disney Animated Films

I know, I know, you've heard me talk about Disney before...maybe... But with my excitement for Wreck It Ralph this coming November I wanted to jot down the Top 25 Disney Animated Movies. NOT PIXAR, maybe later. Lion King is in fact The Best, a true fact but it comes in second to another one, which you'll see if you keep reading because we have to start at number 25.


25.
24.
23.
22.
21.
20.
19.

18.
17.
16.
15.
14.
13.
12.
11.
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5. Has my favorite Villain. 
4. She is my Favorite Princess though
3.
2. It is the best movie but in my eyes the greatest MOVIE is...
1.  It's been my favorite since I could remember. This defines the classic idea of a Disney Movie.

Well there you go, what do you guys think? do you have one you think should be on here? A different order? let us knoww. TTFN

Chris Calfa Book Club Summer Selection

As most of you know, I've never been the biggest fan of reading. If you'v been in any class where I have to read a play, you can tell I'm reciting from my strong black ladyfriend, Wikipedia. When I was forced (influenced) by my former high school crush, Casey, to read the Twilight books before seeing the critically acclaimed film based on a true love story...oops.

Reading was stoopid to me, I felt we could spend our time doing more useful things like drinking and watching cartoons. I guess I was always a young one to just go to Blockbuster and rent the film without having to read the book. Didn't really help me out when I had to write about Romeo and Juliet in high school and I got off subject and started talking about how old Claire Danes is.

 Even after reading the first 40 pages of each Twilight book, throwing up, and fantasizing about RPatz, I didn't feel like an accomplished reader. Then this past year I was turned to two new medias that I have but ignored for too long, comic books and Chelsea Handler. I'm disgusted by the fact I never gave these two a chance when I was younger. Comic books brought out the inner story teller and artist inside of me while Chelsea brought out the slutty alcoholic inside of me. And I think we can agree I'm a better person now.

Oprah has a Book Club so I thought I would spread the word... Everyone should go out and buy THIS. Batman: The Long Halloween. Especially if you're a fan of Batman, this is better than any dumb book I've had to read in college so far. I finished it in a day. And people, it's not just a comic book, it's an amazing story.

If you're gonna start reading Chelsea Handler, start with My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One Night Stands, it's her best book.

And you're all going home with a CAAAAARRR..... no I guess it only works if you're Oprah... oh well, go read children.

Fashion's One Night Stands (or trends that should've never happened)

Fashion’s One Night Stands

By Chris Calfa

            I was originally asked to write about top 10 must haves in the closet for the Fall of 2012. I being the stubborn bitch that I am complained and stated that half of the things meant to be big in fashion much like the Segway, non Apple mp3 players, and Mariah Carey’s career/personality, do not take off.  For example last year the big thing of Fall 2012 was supposed to be “colored denim”, if anyone can recall this you get a friend request. I’m the last person to be asked for fashion advice, I know , I know I highly resemble George Clooney and Channing Tatum, get it all the time… but I have the fashion sense of Barney Stinson’s nerdy cousin from the state of Washington. I also cannot keep up with the times and what these crazy kids are doing these days; I haven’t even seen Ted yet. If you do want a list of must haves in the closet here you go:

1.     Socks

2.     Underwear

3.     Spanx

4.     Snuggie

5.     Uggs

6.     Rainboots

7.     Pants

8.     Shirts

9.     Wonderbra

10.  Tom Cruise to drag OUT of the closet

I thought what would be better than to look back on all the horrendous things that were popular that we still question why anybody ever thought it was socially acceptable to wear. I mean I can even look back on the years 2009 and 2010…

I was young, I was naïve, and I didn’t know these fashions would prevent me from getting laid. And I’m sure that’s what whoever was wearing the things in my personal Top 10 is thinking. So here it is:

The Top 10 Trends I Believe Should Never Have Happened

10.Hipster Glasses- I don’t care how ironic it is how nerdy you look, doesn’t make you look cool, makes you look like an idiot.

9. Bell Bottom Pants- They’re only good for hiding your kankles.

8. Crocs- ….Whoopi…

7. G-String with Low rise Jeans- I’m sorry are you Britney Spears? Oh no? I thought so.

6. Silly Bandz- That was a good summer…

5. Fur Hats- I’ve often confused them with dead animals. Oops.

4. Newsboy Caps- they won’t seize they day. They couldn’t even seize passed 2005.

3. Parachute Pants- Don’t touch them.

2. Abercrombie & Fitch- If you’re not under the age of 12 or a foreigner, you have no excuse.

1          1.     Grills- If you ever thought this was cool you should go see a therapist.

........

After reading I'm not sure If I really care about this blog anymore. It's not like I post anything anyway. I mean I easily could. Like about how last week me and Maria met Natalie Portman, her baby, and Macauly Culkin. Or like how I started a creativity wall in my dorm and my roommates probably think I'm crazy. Or just small shit like I finally saw My Week With Marilyn. But no. Instead I do what any normal college student should do which is watch Family Guy and drink. I might just put this in my book....

Top 15 Britney Songs

As a blossoming little queen from the 90's any other gay guy can agree with me that Britney Spears (besides in the years of 2005-07) is just great. Ever since age six, I have watched her evolve from a cute little sweet sixteen school girl who also works as a waitress with Sabrina the Teenage Witch & the guy from Entourage and likes to fall in love with her cousin to a sexy sultry late teen who was at an age that should be awkward, the stage of not a girl not yet a woman, but definitely was a cause for my first boners, to a bald hot mess who enjoyed carrying umbrellas and have asshole husbands, but has now redeemed herself to the highest expectations and is now fully respected back into society with her gorgeous self. An although I am exactly a month late (last month being her 30th bday) I would like to name her top 15 best songs. Obviously. Enjoy and comment!

15.  My Prerogative

Although it was originally sung by Bobby Brown, Brit's take makes a little more sense. Especially since this was the time when people started saying she was crazy. Obviously she really don't care. An I don't either

14. Circus

There's only 2 types of people in the world. The ones that love this song, and idiots. 

13. Overprotected

Nice outfit...

12. Hold It Against Me

Although I think this is her worst video, this song is number 3 in my top 25 most played for a reason.

11. Stronger

Best song on the cd.

10. Oops! ...I Did It Again

made me want to own a rubber one piece.

9. Everytime

Ballads aren't really Britney's thing but this is one of the biggest heart crushers

8. Break the Ice

Only amazing song off of this CD

7. Womanizer

Because who doesn't fantasize about being in the shower with that guy?

6. (You Drive Me) Crazy

No, what DID drive me crazy was that this version wasn't on the CD

5. Till The World Ends

 This song better be playing next New Years

4. Toxic

Ok...sexy flight attendant, body covered in crystals, and dressing like Black Widow? Thank You Britney for making middle school ok. 

3. I’m Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman

I think we all feel like this sometime in our lives, and if you never have, your either 14 or have no soul

2.  …Baby One More Time

Who didn't break their CDs listening to this too much? P.s. mastered the pencil tapping in 2nd grade.

1. I’m A Slave 4 U

Hottest, Sexiest, Funnest, Melodious, this song has it all. This is Britney's "Like A Virgin"...without kissing Madonna...