It's The Great Slut Whore Charlie Brown!

It’s The Great Slut-Whore Charlie Brown!

By Chris Calfa

As a person born on this day, I can rightfully say that Halloween is the best holiday next to Arbor Day and Yom Kippur. Halloween is for everybody, for little kids it’s to dress up as your favorite cartoon character and march in the embarrassing parades at elementary school and then indulge in candy, for preteens it’s for running around in black hoodies and egg your principals house, for high schoolers and up it’s for dressing like a hooker and get wasted, and as for me it’s for being able to use my costuming abilities and be classy while chugging whiskey. I take Halloween very seriously and I believe everybody should, even my non-supportive friends who won’t even wear costumes (losers).

A controversy lately with Halloween isn’t the murders or the drugs; it’s the slutiness of the costumes. I’m not sure why this is a problem because I enjoy sluts. They’re my favorite people next to lesbians and winos.  If you think about it, it makes everything easier, while kids have to walk house to house to get candy, girls can just put their legs over their head to get candy. It’s a season of getting.

But of course just because something has the word sexy in it does not mean it is. There are some pretty stupid sexy costumes around Ricky’s such as Slutty Finding Nemo and Anna Rexia. But have no fear ladies, because after this past year, the Prince of Halloween, Chris Calfa has some great and sexual ideas for what YOU could be for Halloween 2012

15. Slutty Snow White- this was her most exposed year, could be yours too ;)

14. Slutty Super Heroes- Avengers, Spiderman, Catwoman etc…. just not Bane.

13. Slutty Naked Prince Harry- Don’t come near me. Who knows what I’ll do.

12.Slutty Amanda Bynes- just add dancing lobsters

11.Slutty Chick-Fil-A Chicken- They’ll love it.

10. Slutty Blue Ivy Carter

9.Slutty Angelina Jolie’s Oscar Leg- Not Angelina… Just her leg.

8.Slutty 50 Shades of Grey- more like 50 Shades of Gay

7.Slutty Psy- Go Go GangBang Style.

6.Slutty Rush Limbaugh- he deserves it

5. Slutty Ryan Lochte- All you need is to lose all your education

4. Slutty iPhone 5.

3.Slutty Tom Cruise and Katie Holme’s Marriage- A dress that’s half rainbow and half orange with a handcuff

2. Slutty Big Bird- with a Vote for Obama button

1. Slutty Apocalypse- Hey this may be our last Halloween!

So there are some great ideas I believe.

Here’s a real comment from a real student:

            “… Chris, I don’t get how half of these could be slutty… “

-       Megan Bruce, Senior, Theater Arts Major

-        

“…what...”

                        -     Alyssa Lawrence, Senior, Graphic Design Major

What’s Chris Being?

This year I’m being Hawkeye, Ariel, Superboy, and Robin, So suck it, I’m turning 21.

ALSO VOTE CHRIS FOR HOMECOMING PRINCE/KING