Thursday, November 7, 2013

Frozen Thaws Disney's Magic?


Frozen Review by Chris Calfa
            If you know me, besides my amazing hair you know about my passionate love for Disney. Of course in the 21st century Disney hasn’t had the magic that they used to have. Yes they have dazzled me with Princess and the Frog, Tangled, and Wreck-It Ralph over the past four years. And even though these three are somewhere in my top 15 of the best Disney Animated Films, they for me have never struck me the way the films we grew up with such as The Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast, or The Lion King.
            So when Disney released the first images of their latest film Frozen, I had hopes. What I was first seeing was the kind of art I remember staring at as a child in my Making of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs book. I had high hopes that it wouldn’t be in CGI either. I always say leave it to Pixar, even though I did enjoy some of what Disney Animation Studios has came up with but here’s the thing: CGI works with Wreck-It Ralph and what the environment is, and Tangled is at it’s core a 2D film in CGI clothing.
            But I didn’t let the CGI idea get to me and later I’ll tell you why. I had slowly become more and more interested in the film and the story. The story is about two sisters, Princesses Elsa and Anna who come from a small Norwegian kingdom of Ardenelle. Elsa (the ancestor of X-Men member Bobby Drake) was born with a magic power of being able to freeze things, create ice and annoying talking snowmen that ruin the tone of the film. After an accident that had almost killed Anna, Elsa becomes afraid of hurting her again and keeps herself isolated from her little sister who only wants to connect. As they grow up Anna keeps trying to connect with Elsa but Elsa just tries to stay away. The untimely death of their parents leaves Elsa to become the new queen of Ardenelle but after her powers are revealed she runs away. Anna then goes on an adventure that can run almost parallel to the one in Tangled. Rugged peasant guy (Kristoff, unfittingly voiced by Jonathan Groff), four-legged animal companion with dog-like characteristics, cheesy lines and slapstick and all.
And then there’s this guy:
This little bastard is Olaf. I hate Olaf. I hate him way more than I hate Merida. Olaf, voiced by Josh Gad, serves as something that’s supposed to connect the two sisters in moment of intense dialogue and a song but… just annoys the living shit out of me. The reason I don’t have high regards for The Hunchback of Notre Dame is those damn gargoyles, and Olaf has the same problem I did with them, they just ruin the film. I was having a splendid movie going experience until this little fucker came in. All the kids were loving him and a representative of Disney that was at the screening told me that he was everyone’s favorite of the group. I guess if you asked me as a 4 year old what I loved about Aladdin I would say the Genie but as an adult that goes away and I think this generation will find that out.  This trailer is what made me lose hope for the film. But as we started seeing more and more about the sisters I started to gain interest.
Elsa and Anna are on completely different spectrums. Anna, voiced by Kristen Bell, is such a product of our time; She can easily blend in amongst Hannah, Marnie, and especially Shoshanna. There was so much about her that can make one think “…I know this girl…” but not in the sense we’ve gotten with Rapunzel and Ariel, like in the sense of “I’ve met this girl at a party and she reminds me of Kristen Wiig’s impression of Bjork on SNL.” Seriously. Bell’s performance was fine, she played it well, nothing spectacular though. She didn’t really have anything distinct about her voice that can identify who Anna is, you could use anyone’s voice really, it was the same problem with Mandy Moore as Rapunzel. But I guess overall she’s a good one to add to the Disney Princess line only to get lost in the line overshadowed by her predecessors.
But I was more fascinated by Elsa, voiced by Idina Menzel. Her look is so beautiful, and her internal struggle is so sad to see and gives the character so many dimensions. She probably only has a little bit more of screen time than Princess Aurora did in Sleeping Beauty though, The entire time I kept thinking, I want more of her. She has one of the best designs of any animated character, comparable to the designs given to us by legend Glen Keane.  Menzel’s voice is the perfect mixture of elegance, struggle, and pain. Her main song “Let It Go” is actually one of the best songs from a musical film in general, and Idina singing it is so powerful, for me it was one of the best moments of the film.
Overall the film has great music, it starts off with a powerful Norweigan inspired number entitled “Frozen Heart” which helps set the world we are about to enter. The music was written by couple Robert Lopez and Kristen Anderson-Lopez who’s credits include Avenue Q and Book of Mormon. Some parts of the songs you can kind of tell that they wrote it such as this one song sung by trolls… sung by trolls called “Fixer Upper” which at some points sounds like songs cut from Avenue Q. And not all Disney films have a prefect soundtrack, even my favorite film Beauty and the Beast, in their special edition just HAD to butcher it by adding “Human Again”.  In Frozen’s case they have one somewhat depressing song sung by my gal pal Olaf about how he wants to experience summer… and another one sung by Anna and a potential love interest (trying not to spoil anything) that’s literally a quirk-fest. But besides those two, the music is amazing. Anna has this song that was stuck in my head and have been singing to myself while writing this review called “For The First Time in Forever”. Sure you can stick it into any musical film that has a leading girl between the ages of 14-28 but hey it’s catchy and pretty.  When November 25th comes around I will totally be buying the soundtrack on iTunes.
            The animation? 50/50. What do I mean? Well the character animation is okay but the technology and style isn’t. They all look like you can just pull them right out of Tangled. I was hoping they would be a little bit more stylized and different but I guess they’re okay. The actual designs are pretty well done and Disney ACTUALLY was SOMEWHAT Historically and Regionally accurate!! The characters also get lost in the scenery and the ice especially. I must say this was one of my favorite things about the film. The reason I love Sleeping Beauty is the art of their forests, the castles, even the flames of Maleficent. This film in that aspect is on par with films like Sleeping Beauty. Just even Elsa’s snow magic is so beautiful and kaleidoscopic I wish that the scene where she builds her ice palace went on longer, it was just that beautiful.  This is what made me content with it being in CGI.
            Overall, when you get passed all the dumb modern jokes and the idiotic brainless snowman, the film is fantastic. Although it doesn’t show it that much, the story about the two distanced sisters touched me and made me interested in where their relationship would go. The art is beautiful and a good portion of the movie is catchy. I think everyone will find something in the movie they can enjoy. I don’t think it’s as good as Beauty and the Beast and The Lion King right now but maybe a few more views (which are going to happen) will get me to move it up into that special place.
Over all I give the film a 7.5/10, and check out my list to see where it lands in the Disney Animation Best to Worst!
Disney’s Frozen opens in theaters November 27th, 2013.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Top 10 Movies I Shockingly Have Never Seen

I give people a lot of shit for not seeing a good amount of Disney movies or Star Wars when in truth there are quite a few flicks that are not on my viewed list. As of tonight I started watching Hook a film which I've never seen and couldn't help but to think of all the angry people who hate the fact that I haven't seen this. And also a dear friend, Megan Holly's birthday is tomorrow and in honor of her and an unnamed Little Mermaid hater I present the movies I get the most shit from for not seeing I give you...

THE TOP 10 MOVIES I SHOCKINGLY HAVE NEVER SEEN (As Of June 1 2013)

10. Howl's Moving Castle




















9. Pulp Fiction



















8. Ever After



















7. Gone With The Wind



















6. Pretty Woman



















5. Newsies



















4. Godfather Part 2





















3. Shawshank Redemption



















2. Jurassic Park


















1. Titanic

Sunday, January 27, 2013

OkStupid



If you’re anything like me, you hate that television is filled with trailer trash whores who get knocked up at 16. If you’re also like me you like to sit at home drinking hot cocoa with Jack Daniels in it while watching a marathon of Star Wars, The Dark Knight, Easy A, and The Little Mermaid, yes in that order. Why do I do this on a Friday night? Mainly because I don’t like to spend money in two consecutive days after being out till 3AM the night before, but also because there’s no one to go out with. My love life is about as hollow as Paris Hilton’s head .
I mean, I’m glad I’m single because I don’t have to be embarrassed knowing I’m one of those boyfriends who are so obsessed with their significant other that their instagram feed is overflowing with pictures of them in their underwear and I forget who my friends are. Don’t have time for those people. I just want a guy who I can go get drunk with and go to McDonalds and Midtown Comics with is that so hard? Apparently yes. Why do I know this? Because OkCupid told me so.  Apparently there is no one out there who’s a homosexual gay that enjoys these things, Everyone on this damn site has to have athletic bodies and like going to the gym and raves.
I’m pretty sure everybody has had an OkCupid once in their life. It’s really funny when your on and see people you go to school with (yeah I know who you are). I just disabled mine but I have no problem saying that I have had about 5 in the past 4 years.  The reason I keep deleting is because every date I go on from OkCupid, there’s always something wrong with my date. I once went out with a guy who was such a dick to me on our date and I asked why and he said that we were only a 65% match on OkCupid. This guy was also obsessed with France and hated Disney, even Toy Story, so this guy had obvious issues. He also thought he looked like Orlando Bloom, fucker didn’t look shit like Orlando Bloom that was like me saying I look like Jennifer Garner.  I don’t get the match percentage thing, like are supposed to be a 100% match? I wouldn’t like that, I know I’m a horrible egotistical and annoying person so why would I want to date someone who is just like me? I would kill other me!
The other thing is I hate people on OkCupid who make their first message to you an entire novel. All I ever write is “hey dude” and that’s it. I get very irritated by people who write something like:
“Well salutations there cutie patootie! You have such beautiful eyes and a sexy smile. I saw that you’re only 21. You’re old enough to be my son! I have two. It’s okay though you seem like such a sweet and genuine person. I liked your Star Wars quote that Han Solo says. Much better than writing ‘The Force is Strong With This One’. Although I do prefer Star Trek. So what do you like to do? Like ice cream? Movies? My name is Earl. I live in New Jersey but you can come here if you want, I make great pasta. Hit me up sometime, I’ll give you my home phone number! Hope to hear from you soon :)

You see what I mean? HOME phone number? Are we in a 1997 sitcom with the Olsen twins or something? One of the many reasons I disabled it.  If had to decide for a friend whether they should get an OkCupid or not, I’d say “yes”, much like trying to watch Batman & Robin, that one with George Clooney, I believe everybody should try it at least once.  But much like the movie, you won’t be able to get through the entire thing.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

It's The Great Slut Whore Charlie Brown!


It’s The Great Slut-Whore Charlie Brown!
By Chris Calfa

As a person born on this day, I can rightfully say that Halloween is the best holiday next to Arbor Day and Yom Kippur. Halloween is for everybody, for little kids it’s to dress up as your favorite cartoon character and march in the embarrassing parades at elementary school and then indulge in candy, for preteens it’s for running around in black hoodies and egg your principals house, for high schoolers and up it’s for dressing like a hooker and get wasted, and as for me it’s for being able to use my costuming abilities and be classy while chugging whiskey. I take Halloween very seriously and I believe everybody should, even my non-supportive friends who won’t even wear costumes (losers).

A controversy lately with Halloween isn’t the murders or the drugs; it’s the slutiness of the costumes. I’m not sure why this is a problem because I enjoy sluts. They’re my favorite people next to lesbians and winos.  If you think about it, it makes everything easier, while kids have to walk house to house to get candy, girls can just put their legs over their head to get candy. It’s a season of getting.

But of course just because something has the word sexy in it does not mean it is. There are some pretty stupid sexy costumes around Ricky’s such as Slutty Finding Nemo and Anna Rexia. But have no fear ladies, because after this past year, the Prince of Halloween, Chris Calfa has some great and sexual ideas for what YOU could be for Halloween 2012

15. Slutty Snow White- this was her most exposed year, could be yours too ;)

14. Slutty Super Heroes- Avengers, Spiderman, Catwoman etc…. just not Bane.

13. Slutty Naked Prince Harry- Don’t come near me. Who knows what I’ll do.

12.Slutty Amanda Bynes- just add dancing lobsters

11.Slutty Chick-Fil-A Chicken- They’ll love it.

10. Slutty Blue Ivy Carter

9.Slutty Angelina Jolie’s Oscar Leg- Not Angelina… Just her leg.

8.Slutty 50 Shades of Grey- more like 50 Shades of Gay

7.Slutty Psy- Go Go GangBang Style.

6.Slutty Rush Limbaugh- he deserves it

5. Slutty Ryan Lochte- All you need is to lose all your education

4. Slutty iPhone 5.

3.Slutty Tom Cruise and Katie Holme’s Marriage- A dress that’s half rainbow and half orange with a handcuff

2. Slutty Big Bird- with a Vote for Obama button

1. Slutty Apocalypse- Hey this may be our last Halloween!

So there are some great ideas I believe.

Here’s a real comment from a real student:

            “… Chris, I don’t get how half of these could be slutty… “
-       Megan Bruce, Senior, Theater Arts Major
-        
“…what...”
                        -     Alyssa Lawrence, Senior, Graphic Design Major

What’s Chris Being?

This year I’m being Hawkeye, Ariel, Superboy, and Robin, So suck it, I’m turning 21.

ALSO VOTE CHRIS FOR HOMECOMING PRINCE/KING

Saturday, September 29, 2012

My Top 25 Disney Animated Films

I know, I know, you've heard me talk about Disney before...maybe... But with my excitement for Wreck It Ralph this coming November I wanted to jot down the Top 25 Disney Animated Movies. NOT PIXAR, maybe later. Lion King is in fact The Best, a true fact but it comes in second to another one, which you'll see if you keep reading because we have to start at number 25.


25.220px-Robinhood_1973_poster.png
24.Grooveposter.jpg
23.MV5BMTM2Nzk5ODU5NF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMjQ1ODYxMQ@@._V1._SY317_CR3,0,214,317_.jpg
22.dumbo-poster.jpg
21.101dalmatian.jpg
20.DVD-053.jpg
19.lady_and_the_tramp.jpg

18.pocahontas_ver4.jpg
17.Aristoposter.jpg
16.220px-Movie_poster_mulan.JPG.jpg
15.Thejunglebook_movieposter.jpg
14.Meet_the_robinsons.jpg
13.Cinderella-disney-poster.jpg
12.Sleeping_beauty_disney.jpg
11.Frog_official_poster_500.jpg
10.Tangled_poster.jpg
9.Tarzan_(1999_film)_-_theatrical_poster.jpg
8.Hercules_movie_poster.jpg
7.PeterpanRKO.jpg
6.Aliceposter.jpg
5.220px-Snow_White_1937_poster.jpg Has my favorite Villain. 
4.220px-Movie_poster_the_little_mermaid.jpg She is my Favorite Princess though
3.220px-Aladdinposter.jpg
2.220px-The_Lion_King_poster.jpg It is the best movie but in my eyes the greatest MOVIE is...
1. Beautybeastposter.jpg It's been my favorite since I could remember. This defines the classic idea of a Disney Movie.

Well there you go, what do you guys think? do you have one you think should be on here? A different order? let us knoww. TTFN

Monday, September 24, 2012

Chris Calfa Book Club Summer Selection

As most of you know, I've never been the biggest fan of reading. If you'v been in any class where I have to read a play, you can tell I'm reciting from my strong black ladyfriend, Wikipedia. When I was forced (influenced) by my former high school crush, Casey, to read the Twilight books before seeing the critically acclaimed film based on a true love story...oops.

Reading was stoopid to me, I felt we could spend our time doing more useful things like drinking and watching cartoons. I guess I was always a young one to just go to Blockbuster and rent the film without having to read the book. Didn't really help me out when I had to write about Romeo and Juliet in high school and I got off subject and started talking about how old Claire Danes is.

 Even after reading the first 40 pages of each Twilight book, throwing up, and fantasizing about RPatz, I didn't feel like an accomplished reader. Then this past year I was turned to two new medias that I have but ignored for too long, comic books and Chelsea Handler. I'm disgusted by the fact I never gave these two a chance when I was younger. Comic books brought out the inner story teller and artist inside of me while Chelsea brought out the slutty alcoholic inside of me. And I think we can agree I'm a better person now.

Oprah has a Book Club so I thought I would spread the word... Everyone should go out and buy THIS. Batman: The Long Halloween. Especially if you're a fan of Batman, this is better than any dumb book I've had to read in college so far. I finished it in a day. And people, it's not just a comic book, it's an amazing story.

If you're gonna start reading Chelsea Handler, start with My Horizontal Life: A Collection Of One Night Stands, it's her best book.

And you're all going home with a CAAAAARRR..... no I guess it only works if you're Oprah... oh well, go read children.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Fashion's One Night Stands (or trends that should've never happened)


Fashion’s One Night Stands
By Chris Calfa

            I was originally asked to write about top 10 must haves in the closet for the Fall of 2012. I being the stubborn bitch that I am complained and stated that half of the things meant to be big in fashion much like the Segway, non Apple mp3 players, and Mariah Carey’s career/personality, do not take off.  For example last year the big thing of Fall 2012 was supposed to be “colored denim”, if anyone can recall this you get a friend request. I’m the last person to be asked for fashion advice, I know , I know I highly resemble George Clooney and Channing Tatum, get it all the time… but I have the fashion sense of Barney Stinson’s nerdy cousin from the state of Washington. I also cannot keep up with the times and what these crazy kids are doing these days; I haven’t even seen Ted yet. If you do want a list of must haves in the closet here you go:

1.     Socks
2.     Underwear
3.     Spanx
4.     Snuggie
5.     Uggs
6.     Rainboots
7.     Pants
8.     Shirts
9.     Wonderbra
10.  Tom Cruise to drag OUT of the closet

I thought what would be better than to look back on all the horrendous things that were popular that we still question why anybody ever thought it was socially acceptable to wear. I mean I can even look back on the years 2009 and 2010…




















I was young, I was naïve, and I didn’t know these fashions would prevent me from getting laid. And I’m sure that’s what whoever was wearing the things in my personal Top 10 is thinking. So here it is:

The Top 10 Trends I Believe Should Never Have Happened

10.Hipster Glasses- I don’t care how ironic it is how nerdy you look, doesn’t make you look cool, makes you look like an idiot.

9. Bell Bottom Pants- They’re only good for hiding your kankles.

8. Crocs- ….Whoopi…

7. G-String with Low rise Jeans- I’m sorry are you Britney Spears? Oh no? I thought so.

6. Silly Bandz- That was a good summer…

5. Fur Hats- I’ve often confused them with dead animals. Oops.

4. Newsboy Caps- they won’t seize they day. They couldn’t even seize passed 2005.

3. Parachute Pants- Don’t touch them.

2. Abercrombie & Fitch- If you’re not under the age of 12 or a foreigner, you have no excuse.

1          1.     Grills- If you ever thought this was cool you should go see a therapist.